The Cat Lady of Guadalupe and my 7 year plan

Theme music: "My December" by Linkin Park
I am: Strangely shaking from either a lack of sleep, stress, or some kind of unknown fear about bunk-beds. Heck it could be all three for all I know.

I told Kevin and Andrew that if I started collecting two cats a year starting with my next birthday I'll be able to be "The Cat Lady of Guadalupe" by the time I'm 25. Andrew kind of giggled and Kevin just looked at me with confusion and said, "Why would you want to do a thing like that and be a freak?" At which point I had to explain to him that my cats were going to be my only source of companionship and finding companionship with fifteen cats is not a "freak" like thing to do. Old ladies do it everyday. I'm just getting a head start. He made some kind of smart comment about "companionship" which I do not care to repeat and I gave him the evil eye. And thus is the story of the second time I have ever given Kevin the evil eye.

OMG IS THAT DR. WILLIS?

Theme music: Pretty Fly (for white guy) by The Offspring
I am: wondering where my scotch-tape went

There I was sitting outside of my IDS 100 class and then I saw him. In all his glory he walked right by me. He was exactly how the head of the SMSU art department WOULD look like. Thin with long grey hair pulled back into a pony tail, casual button-up shirt, with classy tie, and glasses that just enhanced the intellectual look. I wasn't quite sure what to do other then stare open-mouthed. I had to contain my urge to stand up and scream...My art career is resting in your hands!

In other news:

Hannah is now allowed to leave me about 10 million voice messages just because they make my day. For instance...

"Hey Laura, it's Hannah. I left your pictures by the front door. I am now off to Borders where I will sit in a corner, eating a cookie, while I read obscure British music magazine by myself. The end. Bye."

That made my day.

In other...other news you all will be happy to hear that God has decided to spite me even more and my life has become even sucky-er. I mean it's not like the past month hasn't been hard enough but wow I mean I must have really pissed off God.

Not only am I going to be evaluated in projection on Friday by Daniel but my mother is now having surgery which scares the living heck out of me. I couldn't even tell Courtney without starting to tear up. I covered it up well by pointing to the TV and screaming, "Is that the guy from Quantum Leap?!" I rock at covering up emotions. BOO YA!

Pardon me while I burst into flames

Theme music: "Pardon me" by Incubus
I am: obsessed with this song

SMS death trap

Theme Music: "No news is good news" by New Found Glory
I am: very impatient

I just.....::breathes heavily::...walked up 12 flights of stairs....because ::grabs chest in pain::...the elevators are broken...again.

Did I mention how much I hate living in the dorms? Yes...it's like living in the 4th circle of Hell. Yay!

No one has emailed me in several days and it's beginning to really piss me off. I mean I've sent Natalie two emails at least and NO RESPONSE. No..I'm not really mad at Natalie I mean she never emails me anyway. I'm just taking my frustration (look I spelled it with an 'r' Natalie!) out on her because I just left her another voice mail. I'm really mad at OTHER people who won't email me. ::cough cough [insert EVERYONE ELSE'S NAME HERE] cough cough::

Mounting bobcats and comatose states

Theme song: "Laid" Matt Nathanson
I am: fearful of bad habits

As I was unlocking my bike to go to class I heard my name screamed across the court yard. I turned around and low and behold it was TAMILA! I immediately screamed , "TAMILA DANIELLE GRESHAM WHAT ARE YOU DOING??!!" I came to find out that she is in the same dorm as me and only 2 floors up. After class we got together with her boyfriend Steve to get some food. I can honestly say it was the most fun I've had in a few days. The best part of the afternoon was when Steve retold a story that Tamila's Father had told about him and his new girlfriend who is "as country as buttermilk." apparently the two (Tamila's Dad and the girlfriend) were driving down the road when they came upon a bobcat. Now this is where the story gets sketchy. First of all...what is a bobcat doing by the side of the road? Just chillin' like a villain?? I guess Tamila's Dad thought it would be great to bust out a 2x4 and beat it to death. Why the bobcat didn't run away or maybe attack is beyond me. The animal must have had special needs or something because I'm sure it could have taken Tamila's Dad out with one hit. So after killing this defenseless animal they took it home and "mounted it." At the time that this story was being told to Steve he didn't quite understand that they're are multiple definitions of mounting. I believe he said that he was thinking, "Well I knew her dad was from the South but I didn't think he was THAT southern." He finally understood that the corpse was placed above their mantle and not used as some kind of sexual toy.

Another story about Tamila:
I called her up to ask if she wanted to hang out but...
"I'm napping with Steve right now." she said.
"Are you spooning with Steve, Tamila?"
"We were earlier but now we're just sleeping."
"Well ok...I'll let you return to your utensil-like comatose state."
She laughed and hung up.

Good times...good times.

Five Stages of the Simpsons

Dr. H: Now, a little death anxiety is normal. You can expect to go through five stages. The first is denial.
Homer: No way! Because I'm not dying! [hugs Marge]
Dr. H: The second is anger.
Homer: Why you little! [steps towards Dr. H]
Dr. H: After that comes fear.
Homer: What's after fear? What's after fear? [cringes]
Dr. H: Bargaining.
Homer: Doc, you gotta get me out of this! I'll make it worth your while!
Dr. H: Finally, acceptance.
Homer: Well, we all gotta go sometime.
Dr. H: Mr. Simpson, your progress astounds me.

Squirrels

Theme Music: "Pardon Me" by Incubus
I am: restless

Classes are going well. Everyone seems to be very friendly but I'm not quite sure that I really enjoy college. Maybe it's not that I'm "not enjoying college" maybe it's that I'm not enjoying my life right now. Who knows. I'm very restless though.

I had the most random conversation with a guy on the elevator a few nights ago. As I waited in the elevator with my tripod case flung over my shoulder a guy inquired what the heck I had in the case. I believe he asked me if it was a gun or blueprints.
“Oh it’s a tripod for my camera,” I said.
“Are you like a photographer or something?”
“Haha yeah something like that.”
“So what do you take pictures of?”
“Just random things but mostly people.”
“Well you know what you should take pictures of?” At this point, I am pretty freaked out that he’s going to say something pedophile -ish

“What?”
“Squirrels.”
“Really?” ::I try to contain my laughter.::
“Yeah. They’re CRAZY here. They randomly attack all the students here!”
“Yeah I think I’ve heard that before.”
“You could get an awesome shot of one attacking someone.”
“That would definitely be different.” ::I slowly back away praying that my floor will soon be upon us::
“You really need to take some squirrel pictures!”
The elevator beeps indicating that we have reached my floor so I say goodbye to the nice squirrel guy and leave. I got back to my dorm room and pretty much couldn't stop laughing.

I think I should take some squirrel pictures just for him.

I'm half alive but I've been mostly dead

I am: not really in the mood to post but will for the sake of my dear dear readers

Not much happened tonight. I somehow got roped into seeing Alien vs predator a third time. Who would have thought that it would suck all three times?

Courtney attempted to teach me some Jewel songs on piano. It was a failed attempt. Laura is a girl of few talents and playing the piano is a talent she will never have. None the less, I am greatful.

Santa Monica

Theme song: "Santa Monica" by Everclear
I am: obsessively listening to Everclear

I HAVE to stop listening to this song before I go insane. Well, more insane.

Making Dave Eggers Proud

Theme Song: "Complainte De La Butte" by Rufus Wainwright but sounds exactly like Ewan McGregor none the less it is absolutely beautiful
I am: drawing

It's been a very artsy-fartsy few days for me. We've gone to quite a few museums while down in Atlanta and the experience has really opened my eyes to different styles. I've taken this time to experiment with my 35mm camera to try to get a handle on how to capture the "right shot." I used my mother and father's digital camera at the Fern Bank Museum to take these awesome looking pictures from the DNA exhibit. What's really cool is that I barely had to alter them. I can't wait to post them for everyone to see! I think I'm even more excited about getting my 35mm shots developed. Today we went to the Botanical Gardens Chihuly exhibit. Dale Chihuly creates these AMAZING glass sculptures that have been mixed in with the most exotic flowers in the world. There was no better time to whip out the camera than when we were there. I am positive that the pictures will turn out breath taking. Now that I think of it, my tattoo really would have fit it with all those flowers. Infact, I believe I saw a flower that looked JUST like my tattoo. Freaky weird.

Why I should stop wearing my backless tennis shoes:

We were getting ready to enter the conservatory when we see the serine looking pond right infront of the doors. We walk over and see that they have mixed these glass balls in with the water Lilies and Lilly pads. I was quite amazed by the sight of it all. It was as if I was looking at something out of a coffee-table book from the Mud House. I went closer to take some pictures. That's when my sister started yelling at me to come over and look at the frogs who had popped their heads out of the water. At first I was hesitant. I mean who really wants to look at frogs? I slowly walked over and surely enough I saw these frogs with somewhat of a reflective skin, something I had NEVER seen before. My sister, egged me on to take a few shots so I sit down on this sort of ledge that they have separating the pond from the walking area and started clicking away. When I had take about 3 or 4 really nice shots my sister called me over to tell me that the family was bored with the frogs and that it was time to move on. I turned around and felt my shoe catch on something and PLOP. It falls right into the nasty green water. I panicked and tried to grab it as fast as I could, while my sister, mother, and father, all died from laughter. Unfortunately it slipped out of my hands and once again into the water, making an even bigger splash and noise. It was awful. To top everything off, all the observers of my folly freaked out and thought I had dropped my camera in so they all ran over and asked what happened. Ugh. I had to walk around the rest of the time with one wet foot. My family thought it was the greatest thing in the entire world. My sister couldn't stop making cracks about it. I guess it's ironic considering about 10 minutes before that all happened I had just read a sign that said "Please do not put objects in water." It's even more ironic that, that sign was RIGHT BY where my shoe fell in. ::sigh:: my life is like some kind of Dave Eggers book.

Ack, a good episode of X-Files is coming on and I mustn't miss a minute of Mulder.

The socially challenged

Theme Song: "so much for the after glow" by Everclear

I am: suprisingly still drawing the same thing

I really don't have anything too important to talk about tonight. In fact I
wasn't even going to post tonight until I realized that I needed to stop drawing
what I was drawing and come back to real life. This topic is really silly and
the only reason I am posting about it is because I was thinking about Katy
Schultz, how awesomely nice she was to me at Kickapoo, her little
lessons in life, and wondering where she went to. So this post is dedicated
to her and her infinite wisdom.

Some people just shouldn’t be allowed to socialize. The government should lock them up and forbid human contact with such people. They should treat them like SARS and make all those who may have these personality faults wear surgical masks so that those fine people who do have the ability to act appropriately with others will not be contaminated. My friend Katy once said, “Some people have these horrendous personalities and they don’t even know it but, how couldn’t they? You’d think they’d get the hint when people avoid them or even walk away when they’re talking!”

Let me tell you people, I have met these “pleasant personality deficient” groups of human beings and I’ve been tempted to act upon my thoughts and slap a few just to see if I can literally knock some sense into them.

Example: There was this girl who sat with Ashley, Alison, and I at lunch who would burst out with such random things that it had to be a crime. One time she went on and on about how she could barely afford school lunch yet she would always buy ala cart. So she’s have like curley fries and a salad or one of those HUGE mini pizzas with chocolate milk and a shake. Then, after she had finished her own mean she would look at everyone else’s food and ask for something. If you said no then she would give you ::dramatic music:: the speech!

“So my family is pretty much poor and can’t afford to feed me that’s why I ask for food everyday. My mom tried to get a special deal through the school where they give me free lunches but they cut us off because she makes too much money. I guess that’s because she works three jobs or something. I don’t know but this school is so stupid. They just want me to starve to death and when I do we’re going to sue them…”
“Uh huh” you’re not getting any of my pudding. I worked hard to get it and it’s mine!
“I mean my family can send me to school but it’s so expensive to buy these lunches! I just don’t think it’s fair that I have to pay for my lunches when I’m practically poor! ”
“Yeah…” please let her shut up
“Sure I can be eating this pizza today but tomorrow I may have to go hungry.”
“What if you get a job?” yeah you psycho food stealer
“Yeah, but I really don’t think I should work during school and all. I mean almost every person who has a job and goes to school just can’t support an A average. I can’t afford to have my grade suffer. Not to mention that I don’t have any transportation since I don’t have a car. My family is poor. Did I say that already?”
“What about taking the bus? It’s REAL cheep.” You pompous, lazy, freak
“I don’t think that would work. Buses scare me.”
“Taxi?” maybe that’s fitting enough for you
“No”
“Car pool?” try to say no to that one!
“Look, there is just no way for me to get to and from a job. Plus I don’t really want one. I want to keep my grades up.”
“Did I mention that I work a 25 hour a week job and have an A average?” SNAP!
“Oh. Well, I’m too poor right now to be looking for a job. Are you going to eat that thing of fries? I’m so very hungry.”
“No.” starve you demon from hell!!!

If you don’t know the people who whine about everything then surely you know the people who say the WORST THINGS (either because they are said at the wrong times or because they are utterly disgusting).

Examples: These haven’t really happened to me I just made them up to prove a point, though I do know as well as my friends know people with SWYWWEYW (Say What You Want Whenever You Want) syndrome.

In the middle of a gripping death scene during some new hyped movie, they lean over and whisper, “I think I just saw some nipple action. Sweet!”

During a moment when one of your other friends is having a crisis they announce, “I JUST FARTED!”

When pastor has just made an alter call they declare, “Sleepy time.”

At work, during a huge rush of people they say, “My butt hurts so bad from last night.”

There's not much you can do with these socially challenged people other than hang your head in shame if you know them.

IO WEVWEIOR[1QEIIWO24]-99 ::Bangs head against keyboard::

Theme music: "I think I'm Paranoid" by Garbage
I am: experiencing some kind of mental breakdown

DEAR LORD, WHY AM I GOING INSANE?

Ashley might need to commit me. I'd explain further but I'd prefer that only half my friends know my state of mind.

On another subject:
My family and I went to this "Mystery Dinner Theater" thing and it was wicked awesome! We all had these mini parts that we acted out at certain points with these professional actors. I wish we had a restaurant like that in Springfield! The food rocked and they served complementary wine to those who were old enough. My theory was that they wanted to liquor up the audience for a better show. Hahha on a random note I found quite a bit of entertainment in a small package of "whipped butter." I kept looking at it and thinking..."Whipped butter: Tastey topping or Masochist munchie?"
I am way excited about moving into the dorms. I'd rather just move into the dorms and not go to school but ya know, you've got to take what you get. You guys will have to email me if you want my room number and phone number. I don't believe it to be too safe to post such information on the internet.

Georgia...oh sweet Georgia

theme song: "My December" by Linkin Park
I am: stuck on the same subject

My family and I have taken a vacation to Atlanta, Georgia to see my Sister and Brother-in-law's new house so if some of you wonder why I'm not answering my home phone or why you haven't seen me slave at the movie theater it's because I am out of town...correction, out of state.

We're on day 3 of our trip. It feels like day 6 but ya know. Whatever. I have found that my sister's wireless internet come in handy when you want to check your email outside..or check out IGN.com in the kitchen or even buy someone's birthday gift while watching Invader Zim.

So far I am impressed with my sister's house. It still smells of fresh paint. Mmmm...there's nothing more relaxing then sniffing fresh paint. Right now I have take residence in my Brother-in-law's office, which give me unlimited access to their wickedly awesome and fast internet. MUHAHAHAHA!!!

Do you ever get that feeling that you're missing something by not being at home? I NEVER get that feeling but the second we arrived in Atlanta that's all I've been able to think about. It's uber weird. To be honest I have the feeling that something important might be arriving in the mail. I don't know if it's a package from Amazon.com, free stuff from Best Buy for having boo koos of reward points, some horrible news about the residence hall that I'll be moving into, or something else. Well, whatever. I'm going to call our house-sitter on Monday and ask her if I've gotten anything. This might sound random but why are they called house sitters? I mean they really don't sit on your house. They should be called house-watchers. I am starting a new trend. I will call all baby and house sitters...watchers. I encourage you all to join me.

Haha, have any of you guys seen the episode of Futurama where the gang finds the "Lost City of Atlanta?" I believe it's called "deep south." Oh man, it's so great!! They make fun of Atlanta so much that it should be a crime. You all need to see it!!!

Ps Natalie I WILL MAKE FETCH WORK AND YOU CAN NOT STOP ME!!

Wait...was it supposed to go like that?

Theme song: "Gone" by Jessica Riddle
I am: take a wild guess. You're probably right.

I found another song that must now be banned from my I-Pod and I have Natalie to blame for it. Darn you Natalie for introducing me to the wonderful music of Jessica Riddle!! DARN YOU AND THE STUPID LOVE MIX THAT YOU LET ME BORROW AND THEN BURN!!

I had a total Kristen moment about 10 minutes ago. I put on some Everclear and rocked out. You should have seen me; head bobbing, screaming/singing random lyrics, jumping like a maniac. Dude it was the most fun I’ve had in 5 days. When the song ended, I just kind of sat down and checked my email. I’m not quite sure why…I may slightly be going insane from the amount of Kool-aid I’ve ingested.

Seriously I think I am loosing it.

Here are the clear cut signs:

I have the urge to jump up and down continuously on Amy’s giant trampoline until I puke

I want to crawl up inside the new trunk that I bought and pop out when my parents come into my room

I want to change my paycheck into small bills and roll around in them (fully clothed. No one likes paper cuts)

I want to buy a kiddy pool and fill it with Jello then swim in it

I want to pull a “Big Fish”

I want to burst out into song

Haha, no really. Where did you go?

Theme music: "Movies" by Alien Ant Farm
I am: in day two of Denial

I haven’t listened to Alien Ant Farm in a loooooong time. I popped in the CD tonight for some reason and couldn’t stop listening to that “Movies” song. Now I’m obsessed with that song. I must ban it from my I-Pod before it becomes a problem like “Iris.” I love how I try to relate every song to my life. I'm so cute when I do things like that!

My current list of songs banned from my I-Pod for obvious and stupid reasons:
"Ordinary" by Train
"Vindicated" by Dashboard Confessional (I honestly CAN NOT listen to this song)
“I’m only happy when it rains” by Garbage
“Biggest Mistake of your life” by New Found Glory
“Movies” by Alien Ant Farm
“Iris” by the Goo Goo Dolls
“Truth of my youth” by New Found Glory
“Every me and Every you” by Placebo“Staring at the sun” by Offspring

The Village was interesting. Boy, was that movie not what I expected. I really can't make up my mind whether I liked it or despised it. It was kind of like "Can't Hardly Wait" in the sense where it was this wonderful mixture of awesome and aweful. Goodness am I acutally comparing a teeny bopper movie to a M. Night movie? Heaven forbid!!!

You can’t really hate a movie that is written by the same man who did “Signs” and “Sixth Sense” or can you?? ::dun dun duuuuun::

Before I can tell about how awesome the screening was I must give you a background story: So when “Signs” first came out a group of people who go to my church went to go see it on opening night. So everything was going great and then the scene where M. Night Shyamalan (the director) makes his first appearance comes up. This guy in the group, Hunter, stands up, in the middle of the movie, points at the screen and says “THAT’S HIM!! THAT’S THE DIRECTOR!!” Of course, the rest of the church group is horribly embarrassed. Now I just heard about this story a few weeks ago and when it was told to me I just could not stop laughing. Ever since then I have teased Hunter like mad! Naturally, he denies screaming it but if you knew Hunter then you know he would do a great thing like that.

So knowing this I tell Andrew that we have to re-enact this at tonight’s showing. We talked about how we were going to do it. We’d stand up at the same time and scream,

“THAT’S HIM!! THAT’S THE DIRECTOR.”

Unfortunately, they never showed a clear shot of him. All you got was his stupid reflection so about 30 seconds after the scene cut Andrew stood up and shook his finger at the screen. No one really got it. Darn.

I showed off my tattoo to a few people at work. Lol, the best person was Amanda.

Me: Hey check this out! ::shows tattoo::
Amanda: Oh My GOD!! That’s awesome!
Me: Yeah I know!
Amanda: It’s so beautiful! ::gets closer and starts rubbing it.
Me: ::clenches face in agony::
Amanda: I can’t believe how great it looks. ::continues to pet the tattoo::
Me: Yeah ::in more agony::
Amanda: ooo ::still petting::
Me: AHHH!! By the way my skin is raw back there.
Amanda: Ooo. I’m so sorry. Did I hurt you?

Yeah, as if that wasn’t enough, this guy from church, Kevin, decided to get my attention by patting me on the back which would have been fine if my skin wasn’t pratically falling off back there.

It’s raining again. How natural. The forecast calls for rain almost all weekend. Is this a sign of things to come? Just to warn you all, the Lord might be attempting to drown me.

Oh man, today I really crapped things up. Apparently I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t say things in my mind anymore, I just spit them out like some kind of cracked up crack head, which would be fine if I didn’t do that at work. I was going to blame it on some kind of early turrets syndrome but I don’t think I could get away with that excuse. Darn.

Surprise

So I have a surprise for all my wonderful readers; I am getting a tattoo tomorrow!! I will let you all know how it goes. Yay for pain!

Trainspotting moments

"I don't feel the sickness yet, but it's in the post. That's for sure. I'm in the junkie limbo at the moment. Too ill to sleep. Too tired to stay awake, but the sickness is on its way. Sweat, chills, nausea. Pain and craving. A need like nothing else I've ever known will soon take hold of me. It's on its way."

-"Rent Boy" in Trainspotting

Quotes from a night with Hannah and Natalie

"Cold Play will do it just because they like the feel of money against their bare naked skin." -Laura

"Why can't I be stephen speilburg's best friend." -Laura

Little girl: Here's a pendant that has absolutly nothing to do with this movie.
Lancelot: Thank You. I'll hock this for needle drugs!

-Laura's more entertaining version of "King Arthur"

Dude, I need to learn to not check my email on other people's computers

HOLY CRAP!! I just realized that I checked my email on another person's a few days ago and didn't log out. Gee wiz I seem to keep doing really stupid things...grrrrrrrrr.

Weird boy with headphones

Stop me if I've told you this story:

So on Wednesday I left youth seeking some sort of food for consumption and headed for the McDonalds on Battlefield. Everything was going as usual; my food was dripping grease through the bag, I had to repeat my order twice to the lady, and the smell of burnt fries was drifting through the air. Then, as I went to fill my cup up with orange soda, a 16-year-old boy popped out of nowhere. He began to compliment my purse and tell me that he planned to become a fashion designer and design clothes just like my purse. I was nice and told him that, that was awesome. I proceeded to walk out the door when I noticed that he was following me. He stopped me right as I was about to walk out and asked me who sung the song was that playing over the loud speaker at that exact moment. I said
"I'm not sure." and pushed the door open. He walked after me as he said
"Yeah, it's Life House. They're Christian you know. Are you a Christian because I am?" I responded that I was and quickened my pace to my car. He kept speaking, "Well that's cool. I really hate Springfield because they're are all these people who say they're Christians but they really aren't and that makes me mad. Everyone judges you, you know? I can't stand that. I love Christ and I don't know how anyone could ever judge someone if they love Christ. You know what else I hate? I hate fake Christians. You're probably a fake Christian, most of the people in Springfield are. [ at this point I am in my car. My door is open and my keys are in the ignition but I can't leave because he is in the way. I decided to be nice and listen to his rant about God] I think everyone should spend an eternity in Hell because most people deserve that. I mean you probably should be there too. I don't think I would be there because I am spreading the world of God. [ He continues like this for another 5 minutes. I interrupt him at one point, where he is mis-quoting the bible, to say...]
"I'm sorry, but I have to get back to my church group."
He begins again with his rant..."Oh, haha, what church do you go to?"
"Oak Grove Assembly of God. It's a really awesome place."
"Wow. Do you like the people in your group?"
"Yeah. They're all really nice."
"I bet some of them are fake and very stuck up. That's how it is with all church groups. You think they're going to be nice but then they gang up on you and exclude you. I probably shouldn't go to your church because I'd just find fake people and I can't stand fake Christians. You're a fake Christian too, you know? I bet you're going to go off to your fake group and tell them about this freak that followed you to your car and told you about Jesus."
No kidding...this is what I said, "Probably."
"You must think I'm pretty weird following you out to your car."
"Well.."
"But I'm not. I'm just trying to tell you about God and get you to change your ways."
"Well, I really have to go because it's getting late and..."
"And God forgives us. He'll forgive you too."
"Yeah, so..."
I am seriously turning my car at this point. My lights are on my stereo is blasting and he is still talking about how evil I am. Finally, I tell him "thank you" and shut the door. I drove out of that parking lot so fast that I could smell burnt rubber. I got half way to Ben's house and realized how hilarious the whole situation was. I couldn't stop laughing. That whole situation just made my night 10 times more interesting.