Back from holiday

::sigh:: I have no definition for myself and that bothers me. I really want something that I'm so talented at that people are all like "Whoa, she's ____ (insert tag here)". Freshman year I was obsessed with trying to be smart. I studied really hard and everytime one of the people in my group of friends would get an "A" and act like it was nothing special I sank down in my chair. The people in the group were always so poetic and percise with their word choice. You didn't hear them saying "like" or "um". It was like all of their words were though out yet they weren't. They came out as if it was normal to talk with such clairty. I admire them for that. I lagged behind all of them and, I SWARE, was a little groupie. Sure there were times that I felt less important then them but hey, who cares. I could learn something from them. Sophmore year came along. I then wanted to be smart and supper artistic. I remember how when I told a friend that I was cosidered being a chief she jumped up and was like "Yeah, you'd be so great at that!!" then I casually mentioned that I'd prefer to be a graphic artist. Her quick response was "Oh. You'd probably make more money as a chief." Arg. ARG TO THAT PERSON, aww I'm just saying that because it's not what I like to hear. I want support but reality is that if you suck, someone is going to have to tell you before you make an arse of yourself.

I got a "B" in portfolio again

I guess that shouldn't/wouldn't bother me so much if it wasn't for the comments the teacher made (not just on that day but the entire semester). I don't want to give up. I am serious about what I'm doing in there (though some may doubt) but just entering that class hurts.

You know the feeling that you get when you enter a room filled with rocket scientists and you know science but not to the extent that they know? I get that feeling all the time. When I hang around certain 'smart' friends, when I enter portfolio, going into journalism class, ect. It's not like this feeling should bother me because I've mostly been getting it all my life, so I'm pretty used to it but it's now a ton of rocks on top of my chest causing me to work harder just to breathe. It sucks.

It used to be that I could see myself in the future going to college, getting married, doing fun and interesting things but now all I see is a blur and that uncertainity is not a nice feeling.

Anyway I know I've got to have some kind of REAL talent that'll take me somewhere and in time God will show it to me... right? I just have to keep waiting.

Geeze if that wasn't a depressing post...I'd better end this on a happy note.

I've got this easter button that's really cute. It has a picture of a candy bunny whose ear is bitten off. The caption says "This kind of senseless violence must be stopped!". I love it so much!!!

The never ending debate

"ALiSoN283: mwhaha
HOTsauceOBSESSED: "mwhaha"
HOTsauceOBSESSED: ?
ALiSoN283: evil laugh
HOTsauceOBSESSED: oo
ALiSoN283: it will never leave your head mwhahaha
HOTsauceOBSESSED: isn't that spelled "Muhahhahaha"
HOTsauceOBSESSED: and pronounced "moo hahaha"
ALiSoN283: lol well little miss perfect!
ALiSoN283: i think mine is just fine
HOTsauceOBSESSED: lol
HOTsauceOBSESSED: I'm just playin'
ALiSoN283: lol
HOTsauceOBSESSED: lol isn't that great?
HOTsauceOBSESSED: Like a cow laughing.
ALiSoN283: cows can laugh? i wonder what other animals can evily laugh
HOTsauceOBSESSED: yes
HOTsauceOBSESSED: cows laugh
ALiSoN283: lol
ALiSoN283: that makes me laugh
HOTsauceOBSESSED: they laugh at me all the time
HOTsauceOBSESSED: ooo I almost called you a cow
HOTsauceOBSESSED: that would have sounded bad
HOTsauceOBSESSED: lol
ALiSoN283: haha
HOTsauceOBSESSED: glad I didn't
ALiSoN283: me too
ALiSoN283: haha found a highlighter
HOTsauceOBSESSED: ya!
ALiSoN283: moo-hahaha like a cow
HOTsauceOBSESSED: lol!!!"

HOTsauceOBSESSED: was it you who kept bugging me about how I said "muhahhaha"?
Natiweez: it was me if you were saying it "moo-ha", but I seem to remember that being tamila
HOTsauceOBSESSED: lol
HOTsauceOBSESSED: it is "moo-haha"
HOTsauceOBSESSED: like a cow laughing
Natiweez: except that it isn't.

HOTsauceOBSESSED: is it "mwahaha" or "muhahaha"
HannahSolo16: It's muahahahaha. A "u" with no "h" after it.
HOTsauceOBSESSED: and is it pronounced "Moo-haha" or "mwhaha"
HannahSolo16: It's pronounced "mwahahaha."
HOTsauceOBSESSED: nonononono!
HOTsauceOBSESSED: its like a cow laughing!
HOTsauceOBSESSED: "mooo" but the "ooo" is quick
HannahSolo16: No, it's like a maniacal genius bent on world domination. :-P
HOTsauceOBSESSED: lol"


And the debate continues...

the Friday Five!!

I TOTALLY forgot to do the friday five last week so I'm going to go ahead and do them today and tomorrow.

1. Using one adjective, describe your current living space.
contaminated

2. Using two adjectives, describe your current employer.

Well-mannered yet Rapacious

3. Using three adjectives, describe your favorite hobby/past time.

inspired, inventive, and stimulating

4. Using four adjectives, describe your typical day.

limitless, merry, melodramatic, and overall breathtaking

5. Using five adjectives, describe your ideal life.

thrilling, steamy, picturesque, ardent, and intoxicating.

What a Randy day!

I've just returned from the wonderful Randy Bacon's studio. He and I are very excited about my Sr. pictures (I'm probably more excited about them then him lol). He asked me to bring something that represents me but I couldn't find anything (I told him I'd rather not be characterized by materalistic things then I laughed and just told him I could find anything). I only wore one outfit, my pretty pink suit and I think he was happy about that. He told me how he was thinking, this morning, how it would be great to just take some Sr. photos that are just of the person. It was so much fun! He kept tricking me though. He'd say something to me which got me talking and then he'd randomly take a picture (he only did that twice). Other times he'd get me to laugh. I guess he did this whole set of photos that delt with intense shadow. He is probably one of the nicest guys I have ever met. I want to go back to him again for friend photos or maybe photos with my sister. I can't wait!!

The other day in Portfolio Carissa was asking the question "If you could have one song written about you what would it be?" My first thought was "Your Song" Ewan McGregor style but she (Carissa) brought up that all he talks about is the song not really the love he feels. It took me a while but I've finally come up with two choices.....

1. "I've just seen a face" by the Beatles
2. "Layla" by Eric Clapton (live)

Overall I really think "I've just seen a face" is what I
really want. This will sound very dorky but... I really want some guy to just randomly appear with guitar in hand and sing that to me. Hehehehe, ::sigh:: if only that happened in real life and not just in movies and long a waitedBuffy Episodes.

I found some very entertaining sarcastic remarks. Take a look for your self:

Whatever look you were going for, you missed.

Well, this day was a total waste of make-up .

See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.

I'm not your type, I'm not inflatable.

I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

This isn't an office, it's hell with fluorescent lighting.

Sarcasm is just one of the services we offer.

If I throw a stick will you leave??

Errors have been made, others will be blamed.

Its the inferno test!!

The Dante's Inferno Test has sent you to Purgatory!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very High
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very High
Level 2 (Lustful)	Very Low
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Moderate
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Low
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Moderate
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Very Low

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

I'd like to think I'd go to heaven (lol).

I played the Online Name Game and it was a blast!

"Laura!

Laura, Laura, Bo Baura
Bonana, Fanna, Fo Faura
Fee, Fy, Mo Maura
Laura!"

I want to be the minority

I open today's post with lyrics from one of my favorite Green Day songs...

"I want to be the minority
I don't need your authority
Down with the moral majority
'Cause I want to be the minority

I pledge allegiance to the underworld
One nation under dog
There of which I stand alone
A face in the crowd
Unsung, against the mold
Without a doubt
Singled out
The only way I know

I want to be the minority
I don't need your authority
Down with the moral majority
'Casue I want to be the minority

Stepped out of the line
Like a sheep runs from the herd
Marching out of time
To my own beat now
The only way I know

One light, one mind
Flashing in the dark
Blinded by the silence of a thousand broken hearts
"For crying out loud" she screamed unto me
A free for all
F 'em all
You are your own sight

I want to be the minority
I don't need your authority
Down with the moral majority
'Cause I want to be the minority"

::sheds a tear:: that song ROCKS MY FACE OFF! I want to put a few of those lines on a shirt and walk around the school all day and laugh at all the "pink shirt" girls. Well not really, I'd feel bad if I laughed at them. Maybe I'll just make the shirt and laugh at them in my head.

I found this amazing mixed CD that I had made a LONG time ago. Its got Green Day, Eric Clapton (doing the live version of "Layla"), Madonna, Lauryn Hill ( "Doo wop")

I found this funny thing called a Weather Pixie today. It reminded me of the comment on Nat's site about how much Hannah hates Dollz. Hehehe I think she'll really enjoy this.

Crushes are an evil evil thing

I don't want to go to work but I know I have to. Bad things happened on Sat. and now all I want to do, when I'm there, is crawl under a rock and hide. I felt like a total screw up and I don't deal with failure well. I can usually find the positive aspect of a situation but not this time. There was no hidden joke or witty comment to be made.

"I wait for the LORD, my soul waits,
And in His word I do hope"

-PSALM 130:5

God rocks. He seems to make everything better.

I want tickets for the Everybody Wants to Rule the World Tour. I want to see Relient K in concert REALLY BAD. ACK, they're coming to KC on the 12th! NOOOOOOO I'll never be able to see them again! Grr. Now THAT band has a bunch of cute guys! Hehehe, I'd feel like a little teenybopper if I ever had the chance to meet one of them.

I can't believe it but the short story "1408" by Stephen King is being turned into a movie. I'm so happy! That story is my favorite out of Everything's Eventual. They've changed what happens slightly but it should still be pretty freaky.

"The point is Mr. Enslin, that if you can't be swayed from your intention by a record of twelve suicides in sixty-eight years, I doubt if the gasps and fibrillations of few chambermainds will stop you."

"He paused by the evening-dressed lady and reached into the darkness, feeling for the light switch. He had just one moment to resister ( it feels like skin like old dead skin).
Something wrong with the wallpaper under his sliding palm, and then his fingers found the switch."

"This is nine! Nine! This is Nine! Nine! This is ten! Ten! We have killed your firends! Every friend is now dead! This is six! Six!"

Freaky...

BUNNY!

I'm twisted or so I've been told but I'm not really insulted by that. I like to think that I have a different point of view. For instance...I happen to really enjoy this one artist named Mark Ryden. Now at first glance you might think "Oh MY GOD!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS GUY!! HE'S PSYCHO!" but I really like his style of art. Sure the blood is a little freaky but it doesn't bother me. I like the way he paints people and their eyes. He's got this one Oil Painting that just cracks me up every time I see it. Its called "Dead Characters". Hehhehehe. Its just funny to me. I also really like that movie Nightmare Before Christmas. Its so great!! That one song...

"Kidnap the Sandy Claws
Throw him in a box
Bury him for ninety years
Then see if he talks..."

Good song man! It cracks me up!

The Nightmare Before Christmas rocks. It has got to be the BEST movie of all time. I enjoy being weird and so what if people think that I'm twisted. REAL friends would support me being different from the crowd (lol).

I SAW ELF LAST NIGHT AND IT WAS GREAT! I sat next to Daniel and Courtney (who brought Andy S. who has to be the coolest ex. employee/MIT ever!! Anyone who wears a "Free Kobe" shirt deserves to be ranked the coolest!) Amanda kept kicking my chair and I swear she attacked my head once or twice. Lori made some kind of comment about having to sit close to the screen because she couldn't have tall people in front of her (Poor poor Lori. It's pretty sad when people at Silver Dollar City think you're 11 when you clearly look like you're in your 20s). It was fun hanging out with all the Sp 8 people. I miss being able to go to those late showings with them. All summer I went and now that school has started I don't have any time to.

Katelyn came into my work today with her sister and father to buy tickets for Brother Bear (at least I think that's what they were seeing). I wanted to talk but it was hella busy. I kind of gave her a "Umm bad time to talk come back later" speech. I hope she didn't take that badly. I was hoping that I would see her when she came back to see her movie but I didn't run into her again. ::sigh:: I'll just have to wait till Monday.

I have this Cappies workshop tomorrow which I'm somewhat excited about because Mimi and I are going to get to hang out. She is so much fun to be around! Just say something like "mmmm bacon" or "hey let's go eat some pig products" and you'll see what I mean. That girl is obsessed with pigs! I saw her car for the first time a few weeks ago and it is covered with all sorts of pro-pig stickers. Hehe I want to get her some kind of "I ::heart:: pigs" sticker to add to her monumental collection.

I was listening to Nirvana the other night (Heart Shaped Box) and I really want to draw a picture to go along with the lryics. I was sitting there in my car just thinking of Kurt Cobain holding his guitar, head bowed while his dirty blonde hair cascades over his face pale face only revealing his mouth utting these confusing words. I really want to draw that now. DON'T TAKE MY IDEA!! MUHAHAHA!!!

I realize I never really end these posts. I just stop, as if I had more to say but just randomly posted it because I felt like it. Hmm.

Ya, I'm an irrational number!

What Irrational Number Are You?

You are φ Of all the irrational numbers, you are considered to be the most beautiful. Those who know you well have called you by many names, all golden. However, most people don't know you by name and probably won't even recognize you by sight, but they do like to see you. Despite your pretty face, you are by no means shallow. You are involved it many things: finance, biology, architecture, art, music, and much more. In some ways you and e are a nearly perfect match. The power and intensity of e excites you. Your lucky number is approximately 1.61803399

Shiny Lemur Straif's Blog

My blog is so evil...

I went to this awesome site and it said that my site is 37% evil, 63% good. It was pretty cool because it gave me a detailed analysis. I got points for certain phrases and words. Its so weird but cool!

Its been an INTERESTING day

I had no idea that with Angelfire you have to use it for other things as well as a place to upload files. Well...now I have a blog there that I have to keep up or else they'll delete my account (found that out VERY QUICKLY today). I even had to delete my cute little picture of EVO nightcrawler. It sucked!!! I'm having to re-post my quiz that I told earlier today with different results.

The World Is MINE! by Demonac
Name:
You will conquer:	the United States of America, but the house-to-house fighting is much bloodier than anticipated (even the old grannies have a .44 for self-defense).
Your title will be:	Colonel
You will succeed by:	Terrorism (the Penguins pack a whollop!).
Your Enforcers will be:	Blastoise (from Pokemon).
Your first act as ruler:	Spend billions on research into immortality so you can rule for ever.
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

That's the first one. Here's the other one...

18.75 %

My weblog owns 18.75 % of me.
Does your weblog own you?

How sad is that? I am owned by a Blog.

In the library again

I've been talking to Charlee and she is just not having a good time in Drama. I'm not sure what to tell her anymore but I'm afraid that she is going to get her toes stepped on if she's not careful (that or rage is going to build up to the point where she'll explode at someone she doesn't REALLY want to explode at).

We're playing around with Quizilla.com right now. We're having to sort through all the crappy quizzes to get to the good ones.

This post is for Kristen

Kristen is going to flip when she sees this!

It's an EVO Sprite of Nightcrawler, her FAV character. I think its kind of cute but I wish they had a gambit one but noooooo. Guess he's not special enough.

If only...

::sigh:: if only I was smart enough to go to a camp for bright and intelligent young people I could have that special connection that Kristen and Natalie have with people (lol).

Geeze, if only I had prayed for brains instead (lol)! Since the looks and brains are out, I guess all I have left to get me through life is my bright personality! WHOOPEE!! If only...

I finished making another batch of buttons. I now have a wide collection of Half-Life 2 buttons!! HOW AWESOME IS THAT?? Hehhehehehe, I'm so excited. I only wish I had geeky friends to share them with ::sigh:: if only...

This will sound so random but does this phrase sound right "Artistic ability of a cow"? I just thought up that phrase in about two seconds. Are cows not artistic? Why would I think that cows are not artistic? If cows could talk then this problem would be solved... if only...

Bummer man

My work hired a bunch of new people and I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. My fear is that I'm going to begin to separate people into sections (newbies, stick-it-outies, and oldies). That would suck and be horribly mean/unfair. I just found out tonight that one of my fav. co-workers is quitting. I am highly upset. She totally rocks. I understand why though, she is clearly stressed out with work and school. Maybe she'll come back later in the school year.

<>

Do you ever feel like something is going on that no one is telling you about? Yeah, I got that feeling today. I walked into the office and two of my managers were talking about this one girl who apparently bats her eyes. They weren't really making fun of her; in fact, one manager was like "Oh I just love her!" At one point one of them said to the other "OO that remind me...I have to tell you something". Then it got all quiet. I think that was a signal for me to leave. It wasn't like I wasn't doing anything though, I was clearly bagging tickets. So before I left I giggled and said something like "Okie dokie, I'm going to leave so that you all can talk secretly" and they laughed with me. I am way too paranoid. Honestly, I doubt that they all sit around a big table and talk about me!! It's just that sometimes I hear things from my co-workers...Not negative things but things. I worry. I KNOW I'M LOVED I'M JUST PARANOID!!!

I was reading Kristen's journal and it reminded me of how much I miss my OLD group of friends. Sure we weren't as "smart as her friends as MSA" were (apparently) but we were SMART! Man, Natalie and Linzy were so much fun to hang out with. I remember the LONG discussions we would have (at the PARTY house A.K.A Natalie's house) late at night about God or the meaning of life. That was so great. I also remember the crap that tore our little group apart!! STUPID STUPID RUMORS!! I hated being associated with a certain person's opinion. I had my own opinions!! I WAS MY OWN PERSON!!! I didn't hate Natalie! I had no problem with her. Then crap happened...and more crap happened...and then even more crap happened. It sucked. Then Natalie thought I was this evil person which sucked (and I'm sure she had a right to think so because I was somewhat evil to her thanks to the lies I had been told). Anyway, I missed the GOOD TIMES.

I have this beautiful Beatle's song in my head.

Words are flying out like
endless rain into a paper cup
They slither while they pass
They slip away across the universe
Pools of sorrow waves of joy
are drifting thorough my open mind
Possessing and caressing me

Jai guru deva om
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world

Images of broken light which
dance before me like a million eyes
That call me on and on across the universe
Thoughts meander like a
restless wind inside a letter box
they tumble blindly as
they make their way across the universe

I love it because it just gives me such a relaxed feeling. It's beautiful. I'm weird like that.

PS. I lied on Kristen's Journal Commenting system thingy. As Alison put it "and that whole Marxists joke, seriously I got it, but it wasn't funny". My toes are stepped on. Owie.