Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Best use of a Proper Noun

While talking about James Caviezel's beard in Final Cut, I was informed of the fact that James Caviezel played Jesus in the Passion. Upon finding out that fun information I replied, "Wow, he made one hot Jesus!" The room quickly became deathly silent.

Annie: I believe that is, in some way....I'm not sure what way but... sacrilegious.
Me: Haha well I think you mean sacri-licious.

There was about a 5 second pause and then immediate laughter. Though I do enjoy entertaining a crowd I do believe I am definitely going to Hell now. Hmm...

Sunday, April 17, 2005

Started a group just to cop the tunes

Personal theme music: "Breaking Rules" by All-Time Quarterback

Thanks to Justin, my CD collection has been extensively extended (haha that's totally a 'Laura Phrase'). I now know of such bands as 'Dispatch', 'Postal Service', and 'All-Time Quarterback.' I can now cruise down the road with the reassurance that no-one, other than Justin, has as a bigger variety in music than me. That's some serious satisfaction right there.

Hannah has kindly agreed to loan me her Jedi costume for work. Hmm, could it be possible that this is the reason that Laura is currently single? Nah. Jedis are cool and sexy. ::thinks of Ewan McGregor, Episode One generation:: Ooh yeah.

I have about 60 self portraits to do in the next 4 weeks. Panic hasn't hit yet. I figure I'll weasel myself out of this problem one way or another. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals ... Except the weasel. Oh Homer, you help us understand the MOST important things in life. ::sigh::

Speaking of art...my art teacher kindly displayed my crappy-est work up in the Art Annex. I am quite ashamed. When I find myself walking down that hall with other people I stick to a strict dialog to avoid any embarrassment...

Me: -looking at own artwork- Oh my GOODNESS LOOK AT THAT CRAP! I would be horrified if I was to put such vulgar work up! It is pure agony to even look upon these pieces!! We must leave quickly before the virus that clearly was infecting the mind of this artist becomes airborne, leaps from the paper, and infects our precious and malleable young minds!
Random friends: Doesn't that sign say your name?
Me: No. No it doesn't. -pushes friends out of hallway and upstairs-

I believe that is foolproof plan.

Thursday, April 14, 2005

"The Real World: SMSU Dorms"

It is times like these that I thank God that I live in the dorms because if I didn't I wouldn't be able to witness outrageous "reality TV" drama on a day to day basis.

A few minutes ago, I left the comfort of my room to fill up my fantastic, unbreakable water container at the water fountain. As I shut my door I can hear voices, almost at a screaming level, coming from the direction that I needed to head.

"No Becky, I can't control my breast size!"
"[incoherent mumble]"
"I KNOW I HAVE LARGE BREASTS!"
"...[something probably important to the conversation]...and Bobby was just looking right at them!"

I realize at this point that I am heading into what might turn into something nasty. I continued on to fill up my container.

"It's even harder in summer! ....[blah blah blah] People just stare at them!"
"[curse words....yelling...anger...] YOU SHOULD CONTROLL THAT!"

I pretty much ran away at this point. I didn't want to know where that was heading.

And this is where I met the leprechaun!

Intro Music: "Little Sister" by Queens of the Stone Age (Yes ladies and gentlemen, they are still alive!)
I am: nauseous (I may have just digested some sort of bad chicken sandwich. Oh man but it was so good on the way down but I don't think it'll taste as good coming back up.)

I have become somewhat obsessed with the song "Time of the Season" by The Zombies. I find myself, daily asking myself, "What's your name? Who's your daddy?" It's a quite a predicament I have gotten myself into.

I now must be off to carve into a ridiculous piece of plaster. I must make it beautiful or fear the wrath of my 3D teacher.

On the plus side

Ok...so I may have cursed like, two times tonight but you know, when the war is raging and emotion planes are hovering, the F-bomb is bound to be dropped a few times.

Monday, April 11, 2005

Holy unnatural light Batman!

I am: "a weeeeeeee bit tired" ::said with a Scottish accent::

[Insert incoherent mumbling here]

I wish to sell all my belongings, buy a motorcycle with matching leather coat, and become a tattoo artist. Not really but man, it was nice saying that.

So I believe I have been sitting here for about 15 minutes trying to think up something witty and entertaining to post but you ain't gonna get that from me today. I have nothing. NOTHING I SAY.

Although I do believe I was almost attacked by a vicious gang of squirrels last Thursday. There I was walking to my 3D art class when I had reached the deadly tree covered "acorn point" (known loitering place of small woodland creatures alike). I quicken my pace praying that God would spare me from being nibbled on, one more time. I didn't see them at first, no. They are sneaky for that. To tell the truth I wouldn't have heard them either if one of their young hadn't made the crucial mistake of stepping on that one brittle tree branch. I look up and there they were. There were dozens of them with every angle covered. I panicked. I began to run. Suddenly, one dropped from the sky right in front of me, blocking my path to freedom. We stared at each other for several seconds knowing that only one of us would make it out of this "ally" alive. I had seen the bodies of those, they claimed. Bones and hair would be all that was left of me if I didn't use that 3.5 GPA of mine to escape. We stood there as a gentle breeze blew and chilled the both of us. I called his bluff and ran. He kept his ground. I came within feet, then inches, and then centimeters of him and he still held his position. I jumped, clearing him by at least...2 or 3 feet, running as fast as I could. I looked back to see 5 of their best men chasing after me. I had reached the Art Annex knowing that I was trapped. The closed in on me. I began to pray that my death would be quick and painless knowing that these sadistic "you know what's" would draw it out like a Celine Dion song. Then I heard it, the sound of sweet sweet freedom. "Aww. Aren't they cute Kelly? Here you go; you guys can have some of my cookie." They retreated. FOOLS, distracted by a busty young college student with food! HAHA FREEDOME WAS MINE! I escaped into the Art Annex with time to spare before class.

Friday, April 01, 2005

Yeah, that dude from The Santa Clause

Theme Music: "One Angry Dwarf and 200 Solemn Faces" by Ben Folds

After arriving home tonight, remarkably earlier than usual, I found myself drawn to the TV like a wicked moth drawn to the light off my Xbox. Well, since I am never home on Friday nights, at some point I seem to have sold my soul to the Devil, and then he turned around and sold my soul to the theater, anyway, I turned on the TV just in time to catch the beginning of some new show called "Numb3rs." Not only was the show witty and more than mildly entertaining, but well, it made math geeks look awesome! Ok, ok. So the whole premise for the show, "A FBI agent's younger mathematician brother helps out on tough cases" is a long shot but hey, if it works, it works! Right? Anyway, so I had been watching this show for about 45 minutes when I find myself oddly attracted to the younger brother, played by David Krumholtz (please go Here for a picture -he's in the blue shirt-that does not do him any justice but does show his current hair style.) Now, yes I realize that at first this man does not seem in the least bit attractive but once you've seen him solve an ongoing FBI investigation with only the use of logic and math, you'll want to be on him like white on rice. I KNOW NATALIE WOULD!! I can't explain it. It's very unnatural.

Thursday, March 17, 2005

A semi-intelligent Conversation

Theme Music: I Never Told You What I Do For a Living
I am:Running about

I swear that if any of you even MENTION the nude model I will beat you so hard that Tina Turner will use me instead of her shoe to teach Ike a lesson. Oh Tina. How would we know about your terrible life without fine quality movies like "What's love got to do with it."

Let's just say that our model was peirced and yes. Whatever you're thinking is correct. I felt so dirty after that class. Uck. ::shivers::

So here I was about to post something absolutely awesome and I realized that I must head off to class. Stupid class.

Monday, February 28, 2005

I won't let your murder it

Theme Music: "Time is running out" by Muse

I am: Sickened by the fact that I just ingested an entire can of cheese.

Paula Cole may be the devil. I'm not quite sure but futher tests will need to be performed.

Sunday, February 27, 2005

And the Lord saith "Thou Shalt Be Nakie!"

Yeah so, on Monday my Drawing class starts drawing nudes. Oh yeah. That's exactly what I want to see at 8 am (do you sense the sarcasm?).

Saturday, February 19, 2005

He has a history of disappearing off the face of the earth

I am: probably going to get cancer from using this laptop
Theme Music: "In Bloom" by Nirvana [I only picked this song because of the line 'Nature's a whore' and that makes me laugh]

Apparently Andrew feels to tell freakin' everyone my DS/Cursing story. Geeze.

So there I was...all hyped up and ready to buy a Nintendo DS and totally freaked out because they only had twenty left at Best Buy. I go up to the counter, give them my debit card and wait...and wait...and wait...suddenly "Mr. I-sold-my-soul-to-best-buy" tells me that I have been declined. DECLINED. Look, I KNEW I had enough money to buy that piece of junk. I didn't know what to do. I HAD NO CASH. So I stormed out of the store. Andrew then asks me what was wrong and I look at him and say...

You have to understand I never curse. NEVER. I am uber awesome like that. If I was to ever curse, which does happen, I NEVER say the "f-word."

"They f****** wouldn't let me buy my DS. I am so f****** pissed. I f****** know that I have enough money in my account and now I have to f****** wait for f****** ever until I can get my DS. AHHH! ::mumble the "f-word" a few times::."
Then Andrew asks me if I want him to buy it for me and then I would pay him back when I could.
"No. F*** it. I'm going home!"
Andrew: "Are you coming to church tonight?"
Me: "NO!" ::mumble::

To tell the truth, it really wasn't about the DS. I'm sure that I was having a horrific day. HORRIFIC DAY I SAY!!

Who am I kidding?

It was all about the DS.

Thursday, February 17, 2005

mmm mmm ah aie aie aie yie yieh yeah!

while I wait for my oven-fresh pizza to finish baking I am... oh wait. It's done.

Monday, February 14, 2005

I wish I could eat your cancer when you turn back


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This makes me happy. O' so very happy.

I'm not gonna crack.

I : "can't wait to meet you there. "

Theme song: "Lithium" by Nirvana

I'm so happy. Cause today I found my
friends. They're in my head.

I'm so ugly. But that's ok. 'Cause so are you.
We've broke our mirrors.

Sunday morning. Is everyday for all I care. And I'm not
scared. Light my candles.
In a daze cause I've found god.

I am so totally hooked on Nirvana right now. It's become somewhat of a problem. Nirvana has now invaded about 98% of my iPod playlists. It has infected my blood stream like...some sort of infectious thing. Kind of like the Ebola virus. Mmmm Ebola.

I regret to inform all of you that it is valentines day. What will I be doing on this joyous occasion, you ask? Well, I will be driving to a Chevelle concert (Darn you Natalie! We were supposed to ride up there together and complain about stupid people and their stupidity.) Now I must drive up there by myself, a choice that I made myself, so don't pity me. I will make it abundantly clear when I want pity.

I am making it a personal goal of mine to draw all of my friends. Today, I finished 2 portraits and last night I finished 2 or 3. I ended up doing the ones today during Music 241. The girl sitting next to me told me they looked good. Ha-ha it was really funny because the entire time I knew that someone would look over and see what I was doing. I actually expected the girl to say, "He's cute!" because at the time I was drawing Andrew and surprisingly that has happened before.

There are only a few more people I need to draw.

  • Natalie
  • Kevin
  • Nicole A.
  • James L.
  • Rebecca M.
  • Alison G.

Other than that, I have everyone else somewhere, in some sketchbook. Sweeeet.

Monday, February 07, 2005

Now don't get too excited

Upon gazing at the grand amount of food my parents have so thankfully donated to the "Feed Laura Fund" I took note of the Valentines candy. I wanted to let all of you know I am now searching for a Valentine. If any of you have any prospects please send them my way. I can't say that I won't be bias toward Ryan Reynolds we he hears that I am single and dumps Alanis Morissette.

Top 5 things you should not roll around naked in:

5. Cold Hard Cash
First off everyone has touched those bills at one point or another. Secondly, paper cuts are killer. There are just some places that you DON'T WANT A PAPERCUT.


4. Coinage
So let's say that you still want to roll around in money but you want to avoid paper cuts or maybe a hundred dollars looks better in quarters. Well, let me just say this; if a penny can get stuck in a child's nose, then I do not want to know where a quarter can get stuck. Ew.


3. Honey
Though they make it sound very sexy, at the end of the day, who really wants to walk around sticky with bugs hovering around them?


2. Sand
I know you've all see the Chris Isaac video and thought, "Gee wiz! Maybe, I took can be that hot by finding someone of the opposite sex and rolling around a beach with them!" No. Just no. There are all sorts of nasty things on the beach. Hello people! Haven't you heard about all those hypodermic needles people just toss onto the beach? I mean there you'd be, rolling around in the sand with your significant other and BOOM! You get AIDS and not the sexually transmitted way.


1. Parachutes
You could be having your fun and suddenly find yourself choking to death on one of those stupid strings. Let's face it people, death by string just isn't entertaining. Take Pearl Harbor for instance. Kate Beckinsale and Josh Hartnett could have DIED!!! Not that would have been a bad thing...


Finally please people, do not imitate the movies and try to make love on dining room tables, desks, and especially kitchen counters. There's nothing less romantic than burning your lover's butt because someone forgot that the stove was on.

Sunday, February 06, 2005

Stupid "Effin" birthday!

Thing: It's like I'm in high school all over again and my life sucks
Stuck in my head "thing": Send the Pain Bellow by Chevelle

I believe that my title of this post pretty much some up tonight and the past...what?...like 3 days. Yeah...yeah!

stupid "effin" birthday...

I believe that life would be a whole lot simpler if the world was one giant skating rink and everyone's feet magically turned into roller blades. Yeah, that would make things A LOT easier. Think about it, you get to skate to your classes, skate to work, heck, you could skate in your dorm room! BOO YA! I think heaven is probably one giant skating rink. Yep I de-def-initely think that.

Excuse me while I attempt to eat yogurt without screaming in pain as it touches my teeth. Yay, for braces!

Thursday, February 03, 2005

Why I love my roommate

Tamila: Wouldn't it be funny if you weren't the only one who was dating me?
Steve (the boyfriend): ::dead silence for about 5 seconds:: Yeah...that would be funny (sarcasim).

Everything's coming up Milhouse

I am: not well. My lungs hurt. My lungs hurt alot. I probably have lung cancer. Great. Just great. The day after my birthday and I have lung cancer. Ah yes, the birthday present that never stops giving.

Theme song: If there was some sort of song entitled "I am a bitter bitter child" then that would be my theme song for the day. I'm sure there is and I'm almost positive that it is written by Fred Durst.

As you can tell my birthday celebration was not as...um what's the word...riveting, as promised. I expect more over the weekend. YOU OWE ME WEEKEND! YOU OWWWWWE ME!!!

Anyway today has started off slow. I must say that I am quite eager to read the new Vanity Fair which feature the cast of Episode 3 on the cover. For some reason it appears that Natalie Portman is uncomfortably touching George Lucas. It's quite funny. She has this nasty smile on her face that makes me uncomfortable. Ewan looks much older on the cover then he is. I feel dirty thinking about how hot he is in Episode 1. On the plus side of things, if you unfold the cover to it's full length (which is quite long) you'll find that they have included the stars from all of the Star Wars movies. Including Jake Lloyd. Who was not good enough for the very front cover so they put him on like the 4th flap. It's great. That poor kid looks like he's been on crack for the past few years. Haha- NO OSCAR FOR YOU JAKE LLOYD!! YOU RUINED EPISODE ONE WITH YOUR CRAPPINESS!!!

Thus ends my blissful afternoon.


Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Haaza!

Tis my BIRTHDAY!!!

::And the peasents rejoiced::

Thursday, January 27, 2005

Sympathetic Tones

Theme song: "New Slang" by The Shins
I am: Ninja-fied

People can be so stupid sometimes. For instance they ask stupid questions with that tone of voice that signals pity. Like asking...
So how's work?

When they really are saying, "I know how much your work place sucks so I am showing interest only because my life is so boring that I find entertainment in your plights."
or
How's that friend situation of yours?
When clearly they just want to know if you're fighting like crazy so that some part of them that's empty can be filled with the pleasure of knowing that their life rocks more than yours.
Not that I have experience this at all. I haven't, at least not recently but I hear about this sort of thing every day and it saddens me. Saddens me to the MAX.