Text messaging heaven

[Mocking Hamlet with Ethan Hawk over several text messages]

When reading the quoted lines you must prentend we are talking like Ethan Hawk or else the whole thing is completely pointless. Imagine the voice of Ethan Hawk being played by...um...Strong Sad (Homestar Runner) because that is what we were going for.

Me pretending to be Hamlet: "I'm emo and I walk into Blockbusters world wide and quote poetry to myself aloud!"

Hannah pretending to be Hamlet: "Look at my knit ski cap and blazer/hoodie combo. Watch me fight Liev Schreiber and lose. Too emo to function!"

Me still pretending to be Hamlet:"Boohoo! My daddy died and yet still find time in the afterlife to drop into my apartment nightly and rant about how my uncle put poison in his ear!"

Hannah doing the Hamlet thing: "We hugged once. It was like embracing a cold pudding. I've never felt to loved!"

Me...yep I'm Hamlet: "Too Bad my girlfriend's dad is a dirty you-know-what and she doesn't enjoy my utterly depressing rantings"

Hannah/Hamlet: "And too bad she drowned herself after I killed her dad and told her she was a whore."

Me/Hamlet: "I told her to go to a nunnery but I guess she thought that meant the fountain int he lobby of the New York Museum of Modern Art."

Hannah stillllll playing Hamlet: "I always knew she was a ditz."

Me doing an awesome Hamlet impression: "Did anyone else sense the sexual tension between my girlfriend and her brother? In all fairness I find myself attracted to her brother as well."

Me playing Hamlet: "Yet I am waaaay more attractive."

Hannah doing typical Hamlet things: "Wait, I KNOW I AM!"

Hannah being Hamlet still: "Especially in my fresh-from-England leather coat!"

Me claiming to be Hamlet: "I have that wonderful English smell to me. That's how I get everyone to love me."

Hannah being Hamlet one last time: "Except when they kick my a** in a graveyard."

Me just being Hamlet: "Or Laundromat."

Hannah: [No longer sporting an Ethan Hawk mocking tone] Best place for a smackdown ever.

Me: Tide can be a very effective tool for taking someone out and fabric softener can be deadly.

Hannah: especially if it comes from a vending machine.

Hannah: Stupid Snuggles.

Me: Darn him and his cuteness of death!

Hannah: Yeah!

Hannah: He's probably got teeth under all that fur. How did we start taking about this?

Me: He could strangle you with his sheets of ultimate softness.

Me: How do you explain to God that you were strangled by Snuggles? "Well I went in for a hug and one thing led to another..."

Hannah: Bwahahaha!