A guy from work insisted upon me watching "Reign of Fire" claiming that it was one of the most awesome movies of 2002. I mentioned that I had heard of the film and had no interest in "Matthew Ma-Con-A-HEY!" because his last movie sucked. He convinced me to borrow his DVD anyway. Imagine my surprise when I began watching "Reign of Fire" expecting a 2 star movie, with mediocre acting, only to find Christian Bale being as awesome as ever and sporting a fine British accent. Sure, the movie has other fine aspects. I mean you can't really go wrong with fire and Jurassic Park Style dragon that eat people whole (oh man, that was such a wicked scene). Ok, I'll admit that it could have been better but it kept my interest and not just because Christian Bale is a hottie. It was well acted all around.
I must re-enact one scene from the movie though, a highlight of sorts...
Matthew McConaughey: Grrr I'm an ex-marine on steroids who needs 200 men to go on a suicide mission to kill a dragon so that I can go on killing other animals!
Random members of the small society: They may take away our lives, but they'll never take... OUR FREEDOM! Oh wait, wrong movie. We mean, YEAH we'll help you slay the dragon! Lead us to our deaths!
Christian Bale: Wait! Matthew you can't take my men. That's just not cool dude. Let's sit down and have a nice cup of water and talk this over.
Matthew: Well, I was just going to put a gun to your head an force your people to come with me but water sounds so much nicer!
Christian: Ok, let us adjourn to my hobbit hole ::Matthew turns around to go inside:: SUCKER! ::Christian Bale sucker punches Matthew McConaughey::
Matthew: Oh so that's how it's going to be then, huh? ::Rips off shirt exposing overly muscular body [which grosses me out by the way] and begins to kick the crap out of Christian::
Christian: OH! I KNOW YOU DIDN' JUST TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF! Look, there is only room enough for ONE shirtless actor in this movie and that's me! ::sadly attempts to punch Matthew::
Random members of the small society: Hmm, maybe we should break this up considering that we are the last of the human race and we really can't afford to be killing each other. ::pulls the two apart::
Matthew: Ok, Christian, you've one this round but the next movie we're in together I'm going to be shirtless first! ::Spits on Christian::
Izabella Scorupco: ::approaches a broken Christian Bale:: Here put some iodine on those cuts. Matthew is a pretty dirty guy, in fact I'm not quite sure where he's been, he is dating Penélope Cruz, and we all know where she's been.
Christian: Thanks! Wanna make out?
Izabella Scorupco: Nah, I'm too pretty for that sort of thing. You can look at me all you want though!
Christian: ::sighs: Darn... well beggars can't be choosers.
Did I mention that the man was shirtless within the first 10 minutes of the film? Did I mention that I am buying this DVD tomorrow? DID I MENTION THATCHRISTIANN BALE IS ORIGINALLY FROMWALESS? YEAH!! He's from the UK ladies...hands-off. He's mine.
Well, I'm off to watch "Requiem for a Dream" which I hear is life changing. I shall let you know in a later post.
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