Taking life one breath at a time

I am invisible.

Maybe if I sit here and not say anything they won't notice me. Maybe if I breathe really softly they won't take a second look.

My scultpure was cut out of the All Schools Art Show. Mr. Fielding said that it was a "group concensous." They didn't want it to represent our school I guess. He looked me in the eye and basicly called it crap. It didn't hurt at first. I was just kind of numb. I smiled and said "ok, I'll just pick it up after school." I walked back into Mrs. Bylander's room and avoided eye contact with everyone. I put on my head phones and blasted Cadet for a while. When my ear drums were throbbing I pulled off the head phones and told Carissa that I didn't make it. She could have cared less. She said she wanted to see it. I told her I'd rather her not. From there I just mumbled about how the same people go every year. How Kristen, Francois , and her were lucky to have such a beautiful ability. She didn't hear me. It's best that way. She left the room for a bit, my guess was to find my sculpture. She came back 10 mins later and said that she saw Kristen's tea pot and thought it was really "cool." I knew she had seen my sculpture but she didn't say anything. That's how it is with people and my art. They figure if they can't say anything nice then they just shouldn't say anything at all. Chad did it, Sandor did it, Courtney did it, Lori did it, Mr. Fielding does it to me all the time, as well as Mrs. Bylander, and not to mention the numerous people in my life whose names I cannot remember because obviously they weren't that important.

I fought back tears for 45 mins. I tried not to think about the fact that it's my Senior year and I have yet to be in a show. I thought about how I was starting to like what I was drawing; feel really proud of how I was progressing.

I don't know what to do now. I'm not going to break down, I have too much pride to do that. All I can do is breathe. I'm just going to sit here and pretend that life is sugar plums and lolly pops for the next hour and 45 mins.

I guess this whole experience is a reality check for me.