I am: a stereotype
It's become abundantly clear, now that I am one of the last single people in my friends (we're a dying breed), that I must take on new and extremely important responsibilities. In fact, they are so important that I have made a list that covers them all. I call this list....
RESPONSIBILITIES FOR THE TOKEN SINGLE FRIEND
- It is now quite important that I am readily available for those who are attached, to use to complain about their significant others.
- When I enter a room I must say, "HEY HEY HEY!" and all will respond, "TOKEN SINGLE FRIEND!! We missed you!!"
- I must be able to withstand hours of PDA without gagging or reaching for the nearest blunt object to beat myself with.
- I must be able to sense a "Look, I want you to leave so I can make out with my significant other without you watching me with those creepy eyes of yours" tone in a mere word.
- I must be able to distract with some sort of stupid human trick with a simple snap of one's fingers when a "couples" fight breaks out.
- It will also be crucial that I some how work the following into all instances in which I am in group situations.....
- Witty jokes with content pertaining to Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Queen, circuit boards, Star Wars, or anything else that might be overheard during a ComicCon convention.
- The phrase "Awesome, awesome to the MAX!"
- I must make constant reference to some sort of film or TV personality whom I am obsessively infatuated with.
- and most importantly, I must make inappropriate sexual innuendoes.
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