I flipped through catalogs and wondered: What kind of dining set defines me as a person?

iTunes: "Smile Lines" by Incubus (Have I used that song before on a post? Geeze I don't remember. Just ignore it if I have.)
I am: despondent

Uck. Not doing well. I'm in a terribly and quite obnoxiously depressing mood and for some strange reason I can't stop quoting Fight Club. "You have a kind of sick desperation in your laugh."

Need Kool-Aid to be whole again. Need 15 hours o' sleep. Can't properly produce a sentence for this post. Oh wait, there's one.

One for the ladies

A guy from work insisted upon me watching "Reign of Fire" claiming that it was one of the most awesome movies of 2002. I mentioned that I had heard of the film and had no interest in "Matthew Ma-Con-A-HEY!" because his last movie sucked. He convinced me to borrow his DVD anyway. Imagine my surprise when I began watching "Reign of Fire" expecting a 2 star movie, with mediocre acting, only to find Christian Bale being as awesome as ever and sporting a fine British accent. Sure, the movie has other fine aspects. I mean you can't really go wrong with fire and Jurassic Park Style dragon that eat people whole (oh man, that was such a wicked scene). Ok, I'll admit that it could have been better but it kept my interest and not just because Christian Bale is a hottie. It was well acted all around.

I must re-enact one scene from the movie though, a highlight of sorts...

Matthew McConaughey: Grrr I'm an ex-marine on steroids who needs 200 men to go on a suicide mission to kill a dragon so that I can go on killing other animals!
Random members of the small society: They may take away our lives, but they'll never take... OUR FREEDOM! Oh wait, wrong movie. We mean, YEAH we'll help you slay the dragon! Lead us to our deaths!
Christian Bale: Wait! Matthew you can't take my men. That's just not cool dude. Let's sit down and have a nice cup of water and talk this over.
Matthew: Well, I was just going to put a gun to your head an force your people to come with me but water sounds so much nicer!
Christian: Ok, let us adjourn to my hobbit hole ::Matthew turns around to go inside:: SUCKER! ::Christian Bale sucker punches Matthew McConaughey::
Matthew: Oh so that's how it's going to be then, huh? ::Rips off shirt exposing overly muscular body [which grosses me out by the way] and begins to kick the crap out of Christian::
Christian: OH! I KNOW YOU DIDN' JUST TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF! Look, there is only room enough for ONE shirtless actor in this movie and that's me! ::sadly attempts to punch Matthew::
Random members of the small society: Hmm, maybe we should break this up considering that we are the last of the human race and we really can't afford to be killing each other. ::pulls the two apart::
Matthew: Ok, Christian, you've one this round but the next movie we're in together I'm going to be shirtless first! ::Spits on Christian::
Izabella Scorupco: ::approaches a broken Christian Bale:: Here put some iodine on those cuts. Matthew is a pretty dirty guy, in fact I'm not quite sure where he's been, he is dating Penélope Cruz, and we all know where she's been.
Christian: Thanks! Wanna make out?
Izabella Scorupco: Nah, I'm too pretty for that sort of thing. You can look at me all you want though!
Christian: ::sighs: Darn... well beggars can't be choosers.

Did I mention that the man was shirtless within the first 10 minutes of the film? Did I mention that I am buying this DVD tomorrow? DID I MENTION THATCHRISTIANN BALE IS ORIGINALLY FROMWALESS? YEAH!! He's from the UK ladies...hands-off. He's mine.

Well, I'm off to watch "Requiem for a Dream" which I hear is life changing. I shall let you know in a later post.

I glued my head to my shoulder, now I have two owies

I have come to the realization that "Just a little while" is one of the DIRTIEST Janet Jackson songs I have ever heard. Let's face it people, Janet Jackson has some pretty gosh darn dirty songs out there. She's not the little Janet we all grew up to love. Why I still have this song on iTunes is beyond me.

Repeating on iTunes: "New Born" by Muse
I am: contemplating world domination

Yet another memorable conversation with Hannah:

Me: I could totally apply at the Mud House but I don't think they'd hire me. I'm not indie enough.
Hannah: I believe that makes you over qualified to serve coffee.
Me: I guess, but during the interview process they'd ask me what my favorite Pixies song was. I'd pretty much be screwed then considering I'm not a fan.
Hannah: Just answer Caribou and you'll be fine.
Me: Yeah I guess, but what if I end up hanging out after work with a bunch of the employees and we get on the topic of what the meaning of life is? I'm CLEARLY not indie enough to answer that!
Hannah: Just say Caribou. They'll think you're a genius. ::mimicking Mud House staff who apparently speak in a somewhat British accent:: "Wow, I never though of it like that. You are so right! Caribou is the answer to life!"
Me: ::silence:: ::thinks:: Ok, so that might actually work for a while but at some point I'd blow it by saying something like, "I enjoy dancing around in a tutu and blowing bubbles on the weekends."
Hannah: Hey! Maybe you'll meet a cute indie boy with glasses who works there who enjoys that sort of thing.
Me: Yeah...(sarcasm) that's what I want. A guy who's fetish is me dancing around in a tutu.

The genius Michael (Natalie/Hannah friend that I am only a friend with through association. Therfore we really aren't friends but then again I am a friend with all creatures of God. I'm just that cute) who respects Jim Croce as much as I do, or atleast he did when I last talked to him at that New Year's Eve party a few years back if I remember correctly which I probably don't, has posted quite the interesting post. I do encourage those of you "Who Put Letters to Other People On Their Blogs, Especially When the People To Whom The Letter Is Addressed Will Probably Never Read The Blog In" to read such post. So I beg all of you, do not give into the trend, stop posting random angry letters, love one another, and rant in the normal way.

When I grow up I'm going to Bovine University

I had almost completely forgotten about this sickeningly cute picture until I saw that Sandor has posted it on his site. I must admit that if I didn't have braces this picture would be one of the most awesome I have ever taken. As for the male appearance in this photo: ladies, this is Kevin and though we make an "adorable couple" (sarcasm) he's just my "consistently hurt on by a motorcycle" buddy. I believe he is available if anyone wants to stalk him.

This is a freakin' long post so please scroll down

Slowly but surely the "faux-hawk" has been invading homes everywhere. At first, it was only celebrities doing it, here and there you know. Only for those "hip occasions" like the MTV music awards but now everyone had tried it. I believe that it takes a certain type of cool to pull off the Faux-hawk. Seriously now, you've got to have that...look or else you just look like a doofus trying to be cool. To be honest, not a lot of people can pull it off. I've seen people try and oh the tears I wanted to shed for them. Oh the horror! For example: 4 employees of the Springfield 8 have tried to pull it off and only 1 has and very successfully at that.

For your approval, over the next few posts... I submit, the BEST celebrity "faux-hawks"



Clearly Ryan Reynolds pulls off the best faux hawk. ::giggles:: I don't think I need to go into details why. I think you can all see for yourselves. Oh Ryan, your hair always looks wicked.

Jude Law...ah yes, I bet you all were just waiting for me to mention him. Let us all just take a moment to admire this picture...::stares deeply into screen:: Jude Law looks cool all the time ( I mean have you seen the man smoke? HE LOOKS HOT!) so it's only natural for me to acknowledge his cool faux hawk look.

Orlando is someone you would think wouldn't be able to pull the faux hawk off because he has this "pretty boy" look but in some weird way, he does it quite well. Bravo Orlando. You have shown me that pretty boys can be cool too. 

Ewan McGregor has one of the "BEST FAUX HAWKS" I have ever seen. I believe I saw an interview where he sported this hair style while talking about Episode 3 looking more awesome then ever and all I could think was, "Dude, can Ewan McGregor get any cooler?" Star Wars + Faux Hawk = perfection!

I am the toxic waste by-product of God's creation

Blasting through the speakers: "Secret" by Maroon 5
I am: melancholy

Uh, I don't feel so awesome. ::groans and grabs stomach:: Ugh... I think I have SARS..ug...

I think I can appropriately describe today by relating it to a piece of dog crap, wrapped in tin foil, and served piping hot. No. That doesn't really describe it. Try to imagine the worse day you've ever had, then imagine it slightly less bad then it actually was and that was my day. It sucked but I'll live. As long as I get some divine sleep I promise I won't strangle the first person I see with my awesome Jedi powers.

The heat is getting to me, I'll kill you momentarily.

After watching Batman Begins for a second time (I love that movie...I would MARRY THAT MOVIE!) I decided that it was time to relive the "Original Batman". I made a mad dash to Hollywood Video and rented the first two Batmans (praise Jesus for Tim Burton). It's so funny because I really didn't remember some of these seriously great lines like:

Catwoman: I don't know about you, Miss Kitty, but I feel so much... yummier.

Come on people!! That's quality material people. So, for your reading pleasure, I have here my favorite lines of the movie. Taa da!

Volunteer Bimbo: You're the coolest role-model a young person could have!
The Penguin: And you're the hottest young person a role-model could have.

Selina Kyle: Oh god... does this mean we have to start fighting now?

Catwoman: Batman napalmed my arm, and knocked me off a building just when i was starting to feel good about myself. I want to play an integral part in his degradation.
The Penguin: A plan is forming.
Catwoman: I want in. The thought of busting Batman makes me feel all... dirty. I think I'll give myself a bath right here. [licks herself in a cat-like manner]

Catwoman: Mmm seems like every woman you try to save winds up dead... or deeply resentful. Maybe it's time for you to retire.

Well... Dracula called, and he's coming tonight for you, and I said okay.

Blasting through my speakers: "Under Pressure" by The Used and My Chemical Romance
I am: Being sucked into an "Aqua Teen Hunger Force" trance

I can gladly say that I am responsible for bringing orange soda to the good patrons at the Springfield 8. That's right. Thanks to me, you all will be able to drink sweet sweet orange soda while watching quality movies like "The Adventures of Shark Boy and Lava Girl: In 3D".

I accomplished pretty much nothing today other than finding random stories to share in our manager meeting. I think I brought a lot to today's manager meeting.

I think I have some sort of viscous spider bite on my arm. Hmm maybe I should do something about that.

Uh..I have to return some videotapes.

In my Ears: "Radio/Video" by System of a Down
I am: orangilicious

I must say that ever since I watched "American Psycho" with Natalie, Hannah, and a random girl named Amanda (who seems very nice BTW) I have had the urge to randomly quote the movie but how do you work something like,

"My need to engage in homicidal behavior on a massive scale cannot be corrected,
but, ah, I have no other way to fulfill my needs. "

into a normal conversation? Surely, I will find a way.

Well, I am saddened to say that Natalie and I are currently fighting. Yes, I am making it publicly known. ::sheds a tear:: For you see, the other night...while watching "American Psycho" we reached the scene in which Christian Bale enters butt naked fashioning only a roaring chainsaw. To my surprise Natalie randomly burst out with, "Is it just me or does Christian Bale bare a striking resemblance to a young Bruce Campbell in this scene?" The room went silent. I immediately turned to Natalie and said, "I cannot believe you disgraced the name of Bruce Campbell by saying such a thing."

Hannah agreed.

I will have to forgive Natalie eventually for such a terrible comment for she did not know better. ::sigh::

On a random, more interesting topic, Mr. and Mrs. Smith was a intensely awesome movie. Ok...I wouldn't go that far, the whole plot was filled with holes but the fight scenes were stellar. "The movie entertained me on a level I didn't even know existed."

Now I’m falling asleep...

In my Ears: "Mr. Brightside" by The Killers
I am: not suprisingly, going to be very very tired in the morning

As I was surfing around joblo.com this morning/evening/whatever you would call it 30 minuites ago, I glanced upon an article about the "Top 10 Dumb Chick Victims" . I must say that I agree with everything that was said, COMPLETELY. What makes me giggle, just a tad bit, was the one part about Final Destination and the TERRRIBLE "dumb chick death" featured in that movie (which is quite funny because I was thinking this exact thing while watching FD on TV a few nights ago)...

As the writer says....

7. Amanda Detmer / Final Destination
Who walks BACKWARDS into the
street and NOT notice a huge bus coming their way? Two words. Peripheral vision. Unless you are completely blind, you should be able to tell from the side of
your eye if you are about to be plowed by a big f*cking bus. Granted, this
character was doomed from the moment she stepped off the plane, and was probably going to die anyways in some other lucrative and imaginative way, but come on!! Use some common sense, girl! Didn’t your mother teach you to look both ways before crossing the damn street?

On the topic of bikes and that sort of thing

In my ears: "Drive my Car" by The Beatles
I am: Burnt to a crisp

I can gladly say that my chances of getting skin cancer are now slightly increased thanks to the sever sun burn that I received a few days ago while riding my bike. I have this nice farmer's tan. I think it's uber sexy.

On a side note, I successfully rode my bike for an hour without hitting a single pedestrian. I think this is a big step for me. It just might be safe enough for people to walk on their neighborhood sidewalks again.

I am now off I do something probably completely unproductive, like stare at the 70% done graffiti project in my garage and wonder why I haven't bought a new can of purple spray paint so that I can finish it.

DYE DYE DYE!!

There is nothing more amusing to me then hearing my family tell me that my hair color is too dark and/or not attractive on me. If you ask me, I look "chiz" awesome.

Ahh!!! HER HEAD IS ON FIRE!!

Theme music: "Sinner's Prayer" by Ray Charles and B.B. King
I am: the most awesome red-head in the whole freakin' world!

I was kind-of under the weather this morning so, like normal people, I dragged my sorry butt out of bed, found a box of hair dye (I had originally bought for Andrew, who at some point chickened out and decided against changing his hair color; probably a good thing) and dyed the heck out of my hair. I must say, I look hot. Yeah that's right, I lie to myself in order to boost my self-esteem. It usually works for a few hours. Then I have to restort to the comfort of cookies and orange soda.

I also played a viscous game of DDR on xbox live as well. My dream is to beat Natalie. THAT'S RIGHT NATALIE, I WILL BEAT YOU!!! I WILL!!!!

I am off to work now. Yes...work...can you sense the enthusiasm in that sentence?